I got an offer to write for Maxim magazine. One of the blogs I write got their attention, and based on that blog’s “popularity,” and of course due to my awesome ninja writing skillz that almost always make me include the word “vagina” in the text I produce, Maxim’s top honchos probably thought, “Hey, we’re selling twat, this guy talks about twat all the time. Get him!”
I’m still thinking about it. Should I accept it? It’s flattering that some top editorial person from that men’s magazine would email you out of nowhere and not only wanna hire you, but also features your blog in the magazine’s March 2009 issue (it’s out now, folks! Guess which of the websites featured in The Internet Underverse page is mine). It’s a major relief from the usual “make your penis bigger!” emails I get. But while the offer is very tempting, I have lots of (unmentionable) stuff on my hands right now, and saying yes to the offer and not being able to deliver would be pretty sad.
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So I said let me think about it, let me kill some chicken, offer it to the right anito, and get some answers. I’m not playing a hard-to-get, look-who’s-talking douchebag, I’m just being frank about what I think I cannot do in the coming months.
But uncertain of the wisdom of my own decision, I sought the advice of three people I respect. I’m hiding their identities so they can still live normal lives after this blog post, merely referring to them as Gurus numbers 1, 2 and 3.
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I went to Guru No. 1 and told him my dilemma. He said, “You’re a dick!”
I went to Guru No. 2, and he said, “Mocha has been making out with women and you’re here not taking videos of it?”
I went to Guru No. 3 and he said, “Just die.”
I’m totally confused – clearly, those three answers merely indicated how much these gurus admire me, and not giving me a direct answer. So like any normal person, I did something Nina Jose would have done on a Thursday afternoon: I went to Baclaran church. I said the prayer below:
Dear JC,
Please help me decide. Should I write about naked women for a men’s magazine, possibly including controversial information on WHERE BABIES COME FROM? Not as if I’m not already writing about naked women on my own blog every day, nor the lure of men’s magazine fame doesn’t excite me. It’s just that I’m trying to reach Level 50 in Nazi Zombies, and I seriously think that Maxim gig would distract me too much I won’t be able to use the Ray Gun and the Deployable MG 42 as awesomely as I used to.
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I’m lighting up 45 votive candles Baclaran church is selling here — promise I’ll come back and pay for them as soon as I receive an answer from you. Email would be great.
BTW, I like your hair.
Right now I’m still waiting for “enlightenment.” A Maxim exec somewhere must be impatiently tapping his fingers on the mahogany desk, flinging sharpened pencils at the ceiling.
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{Image: Skirmisher}
Comments 2
hehehehehe si eric ramos kinukuha ka? we could have worked together. but i declined. are you taking the job?
girls everywhere all the tim! and you’re having a hard time deciding. funny. >:)
Posted 19 Mar 2009 at 5:27 pm ¶arlene, tinatamad ako e. hehe. of course there are girls, but the job offer didn’t have the important “with this job, you’ll absolutely get laid everyday” clause, so there’s the rub.
Posted 19 Mar 2009 at 7:49 pm ¶Trackbacks & Pingbacks 1
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