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The Anti-joke

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“I woke up one day and everything in the apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I said to my roommate, ‘Can you believe [...]

The end is built into the beginning

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On Sunday afternoons, she sits on a little bench right beside their gate, all dolled up. Sometimes she wears a strong perfume. Sometimes she just smells of soap. She likes wearing black, or skimpy, something that shows her hips and belly button. She chats with her girlfriends in a [...]

When this is over, when the things the world wants from you are all gone, you’ll have time for small silly things

How to mess with friends who don’t know crap about basic computer stuff. This happened not too long ago.

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Friend: hey, r u online?
Me: it isn’t obvious, is it?
F: I’m trying to watch this movie on my PC. There’s no subtitles.
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That’s the thing with greed, Archy. It’s blind.

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Aww, lookie that. It’s Andrew Tan, Megaworld Corp’s Overlord. Seems like only yesterday I was writing the guy’s “I used to be as poor as fuck, just like you!” speeches for the still-dirt-poor people at UE (he’s [...]

If you’re an adult, you have the IQ of a squeezable ketchup bottle and deserve to have a car battery shocking your testicles

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I got an offer to write for Maxim magazine. One of the blogs I write got their attention, and based on that blog’s “popularity,” and of course due to my awesome ninja writing skillz that almost always make me include the word “vagina” in the text I produce, Maxim’s top honchos [...]