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Category Archives: Anecdotes

Life is an unending series of pregnant pauses

Some hotel, Manila, 2008:
I’m walking out of the hotel. Some old man approaches:
Old man: You want a girl, sir?
Me: (a pause) I just came out of there. Didn’t you see that?
Old man: (smiles, seemingly unsure) But…you want a girl, sir?
Me: (a pause)
***
February 2000, Doroteo Jose, Avenida:
My hands are full — I carry two huge boxes [...]

Posted 04 January 2010 † JB § ‡ Comments (1) °

If you’re an adult, you have the IQ of a squeezable ketchup bottle and deserve to have a car battery shocking your testicles

Moon Zero Two divx
I got an offer to write for Maxim magazine. One of the blogs I write got their attention, and based on that blog’s “popularity,” and of course due to my awesome ninja writing skillz that almost always make me include the word “vagina” in the text I produce, Maxim’s top honchos [...]

Posted 07 March 2009 † JB § ‡ Comments (3) °

From innocence, to knowledge and disillusionment

[Depending on the sense of humor of the universe at the moment, these text things may or may not have appeared in a recent issue of the Adamson Chronicle]
Hi. My name is JB Lazarte. I’m what you may consider a self-absorbed, self-obsessed, anal-retentive, English Nazi slash editor slash netrepreneur slash selfish bastard. But before I [...]

Posted 18 February 2009 † JB § ‡ Comments (6) °

I am delicate like plastic

Willow rip
Last week, I was at the hospital. I had a terrible case of hypocalcemia, which I had suspected (totally incorrectly) to have been some fancy shit like Münchausen syndrome, which explains why it took me three days to get help. But before all that, I was shitting liquid.
White Nights movies Wait, [...]

Posted 21 December 2008 † JB § ‡ Comments (0) °